As hate crimes against Asian Americans rise in the U.S., snowboarder Chloe Kim, a first-generation Korean and reigning Olympic halfpipe champion, told ESPN that the recent attacks and hateful social media messages have affected her mental health.
On Wednesday night, Kim posted a screenshot of a message she received on her Instagram direct messages a few moments earlier. “You stupid Asian b —-” it read. “Kiss my ass.” On the Instagram post, Kim added, “I get hundreds of these messages and it breaks my heart that people think this type of behavior is okay.” At age 20, Kim stated that she had received similar messages since winning her first X Games Aspen medal at age 13. “I feel very helpless and scared at times,” she wrote. “I’m really fighting.”
In an interview with ESPN on Thursday evening, Kim spoke about her experience of racism, her fears for her and her parents’ safety, and her decision to speak out as a high-profile Asian American.
“I’ve received messages from people telling me I’m part of the problem because I kept quiet,” Kim told ESPN. “I said, ‘Do you know that I’m an Asian American too and that affects me?’ There were a lot of white people who told me they were upset about my silence. “
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Kim said she hopes her Instagram post will raise awareness of the spread of hatred in Asia and America, and illustrated that she, too, deals with discrimination on a daily basis. Their silence is not due to apathy, but to fear. “Just because I’m a professional athlete or because I won the Olympics doesn’t mean I am free from racism,” said Kim. “I get hundreds of these messages a month. I see maybe 30 a day.”
The social media abuse began when Kim was 13 after winning her first medal, a silver medal in the half pipe, at the 2014 X Games in Aspen, Colorado. After the competition, she posted a photo of her medal on Instagram, where she already had hundreds of thousands of followers. She got emotional and described what happened next.
“People downgraded my performance because I was Asian,” said Kim. “There was news in my DMs telling me to go back to China and stop taking medals from the white American girls on the team. I was so proud of my achievement, but instead I sobbed in bed next to my mom and asked her, ‘Why are people mean because I’m Asian? ‘ “
Kim is fluent in Korean, but “after that moment I stopped speaking Korean publicly with my parents,” she said. “I was so ashamed and hated that I was Asian. I’ve learned to get over that feeling and now I’m so proud.”
During the next few years as Kim became the most dominant woman in sport, she continued to receive a constant flow of hateful messages. She said she was even spat at in public. But she didn’t share these experiences with her friends or colleagues and hid most of it from her family. Over the past year, she noticed the hostility was mounting and she could not remain silent.
“I think it got worse when COVID started,” said Kim. “I was trying to get on the elevator in my apartment one day and a woman yelled at me and told me no, you can’t go in here. Sometimes I feel like everyone hates me for being Asian.”
Kim said that when she leaves her Los Angeles home to compete in world championships or to go to the store, she fears for her safety.
“I never go anywhere alone unless it’s a quick appointment or I know the place is crowded,” she said. “I have a taser, pepper spray, a knife. When I go outside to walk my dog or go to the grocery store, my belt pouch holds all three and my hand never leaves my side.”
Kim also said she feared for her parents because many of the recent attacks against Asian Americans have been against older women and men. “Every time my parents step out the door, I think that I may not see them again or that I get a call from the hospital saying they have been attacked,” Kim said. “I’m scared all the time.”
For part of the past year, Kim turned off her social media notifications and deleted Instagram from her phone. “I used to love responding to my fans, but I don’t really look at my messages anymore,” she said. “Even if you receive thousands of supportive messages, the hateful one will hit you the most.”
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