The symptoms of an anxiety disorder can vary greatly and range from moodiness to fits of anger.
Carol Yepes | Moment |
Slamming doors, tantrums, unexpected crying, and one-sided conversations at the dinner table. If these are common occurrences in your household, you're probably raising a teenager.
Teenagers are often perceived as spoiled brats who have little to no control over their emotions. And while many parents see this as unnecessary anxiety or rebellion, these could be signs that the child is struggling with anxiety.
“It's so overwhelming and so powerful that you're really just stuck in the storm. Fear has taken control of your mind and body,” said Natasha Riard, a lecturer in clinical psychology and head of a psychology clinic at James Cook University Singapore.
“The person who is afraid wants the fear to stop, and the parent who is watching wants it to stop. But once the panic attack starts, it is like a train that has left the station and will not stop until it reaches the next one. The journey between these stations is the experience of the attack,” Riard explained.
Parents may not always know how to help their children when they are anxious or about to have an anxiety attack. And methods that have worked in the past may no longer be helpful when teens face new challenges, psychologists say.
Here you can find out how parents can better recognize their children's anxiety symptoms – and get tips on how they can help their little ones.
The characters
Regardless of age, people who suffer from anxiety react to stressful situations with the characteristics of fight, flight, freeze or dive. This is what psychologists say.
They told CNBC that the most common reactions are flight and freezing, where people show signs of panic and start crying or shaking, or even freeze and distance themselves from the issue by staying silent and isolating themselves.
“When you have a panic attack, you may be completely freaked out by what is happening to you. Your perception of reality may be altered, and that can be a very frightening experience,” warns Eli Lebowitz, co-director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Program at the Yale Child Study Center.
Like adults, adolescents also show a fight reaction when afraid, which can often be misinterpreted as tantrums or aggression.
“Parents need to think about what it means when their children slam doors and scream. Could it be that they are afraid of something?” Riard said, stressing that this is just another expression of fear.
Psychologists said they have also observed a so-called fawn response in children, in which they suffer from “high-functioning” anxiety and manage to carry on with their daily lives despite their poor mental health.
“Young people often hide how they are feeling and do their best to pretend everything is OK in a chaotic situation by acting busy. What you see in their face or behavior may not necessarily be what is really going on,” says Lisa Coloca, psychologist and director of the Melbourne-based Bloom Psychology Group and Bloom Community.
Yale University's Lebowitz said parents should look for shortness of breath, stiffness of the body and a change in skin tone, among other symptoms. Although an anxiety attack may seem frightening and uncontrollable, it is not dangerous and parents should not “freak out,” he added.
Top tips to help an anxious teenager
1. Validate their feelings
According to experts, parents are often guilty of downplaying their children's problems and emotions – and sometimes even dismissing them.
“Stop using your adult brain on teen problems. Telling them 'everything will be OK' isn't going to help them because it doesn't feel good to them in the moment,” said Michelle Savage, another psychologist and director of the Bloom Psychology Group and Bloom Community.
When children come to their parents with their worries, reassurance is not always the solution.
“From a parent's perspective, we want to protect our children from the pain. But the alternative solution is to use it as an opportunity to allow your child to express their feelings and fears and to listen,” said Riard of James Cook.
Parents should also be aware that children do not always want advice, but often just want to feel seen and heard.
“Affirming that your child is anxious won't make him more anxious. It will make him feel understood and he'll be more likely to talk to you about it in the future,” says Lebowitz of Yale University, who is also the author of “Breaking Free of Child Anxiety and OCD.”
“Parents should strive to convey messages to their children that combine both acceptance and recognition of the child's genuine fear or distress and confidence in the child's ability to cope with that distress,” he added, explaining that this will help build trust and gradually reduce a child's dependence on their parents.
2. Share personal experiences
When a child or teenager is afraid, it often helps to know that they are not alone.
By sharing personal stories from similar situations, they realize that they can overcome the adversities they face.
“Parents need to normalize this and also talk about their own internal dialogue around fear, while being careful to maintain open and non-threatening communication,” Savage suggested.
For example, telling your child that you were nervous about your slides for a big presentation at work, but at the same time reassuring them that you did your best, will help the child feel seen and heard.
“It's very hard to teach your child to regulate and manage all of their emotions. If you can't do it yourself, then be prepared to talk about your emotions, and not just the positive ones,” Lebowitz said. “And start early, don't wait until your child is 15 to start.”
Speaking to CNBC, psychologists also stressed that parents should not confront their children with “major and inappropriate” problems such as financial difficulties or marital problems.
3. Timing is everything
When a child is anxious or in the middle of an anxiety attack, the last thing they need is advice on how to deal with it.
“Don't expect your child to be able to talk about it while he or she is gripped by really intense anxiety. You need to give him or her some time to calm down,” advises Lebowitz of Yale University.
Conversations about how to better manage their emotions should take place beforehand, not in moments of fear. Psychologists recommend giving your child space, but also letting them know you are nearby if they need help.
“We often put a lot of pressure on children to self-regulate and use psychological strategies to help themselves. But in these moments, children and adolescents really need adults to work with them,” Riard said, explaining that parents can help their children become aware of their thoughts and feelings and how these affect their behavior.
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